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He told me that when he bought his house, he hired a landscaper to tear everything out and replace it with gravel. • My dates “catch phrase” was a quote from Seinfeld. When we meet, I start to talk about Seinfeld and he tells me he doesn’t watch tv and doesn’t even own one.• A young woman and I got along pretty well in the bar where we’d agreed to meet, but things went downhill when we decided to get dinner at a nearby restaurant.It was about killing unicorns (and no he was not being ironic). Captain Pretentious • Dude talked for several hours nonstop about his multi-discipline art project, which was based solely on an experience his father had 40 years ago.I kept making, “oh that’s nice,” “okay,” sort of comments and he just kept singing louder and louder. When I got home, I had an e-mail from him saying that we didn’t have any “chemistry.” Chemistry, really? It was the only thing he talked about, no exaggeration, for 70% of the date.When I asked what she was doing on a blind date when she was going to give birth in two weeks she said: ‘The baby has me; I want someone.’ • A poet offered to pick me up for dinner and a movie.I accepted, and that’s where everything went wrong. The movie was one of those free movies-in-the-park, and it just so happened to be Spongebob Squarepants and the park was full of children. On top of that, he only packed a very small blanket and asked why I hadn’t brought a blanket for myself (um, because I thought we were going to a theater? • A guy said how great it was that I was a “mommy,” and when I explained that I was more a mom than a mommy, and a bit about my parenting philosophy about trying to make my then-young son more independent, he corrected me. “That’s the gift you got when you had your son.” Not only was he totally infantilizing me with his gross Ronny Reagan virgin-mother bullshit, and presuming to explain for me my place in the world (without having met me) but he wasn’t fucking listening.
He was ten minutes late, which in and of itself wouldn’t have been a problem. He snorted dismissively and said “Don’t you think that’s a little self- absorbed? You think there’s a chance I’ve never heard of Wes Anderson?• The seemingly bohemian alt industrial-music dj was still enough of a “nice jewish girl” that she insisted our first meeting be a dinner with her mother at an Italian chain restaurant in the Valley.